If there's ONE thing that I've learned from looking at the hundreds of videos of stunts sent to me by fans, it's that when something looks too good to be true, it generally is. So I guess maybe I should have been more wary about those adoring emails I got the other week from 'happy Plum', the 'sexy 21 year old minx', but hey, I'm a sucker (and sorta hoped she would be too) so I set up a DATE with this avid fan.
I guess alarm bells shoulda started ringing when I rocked up in my specially modified Qashqai and she spent 5 minutes caressing the car without really paying me much attention, but hey, I thought, this is clearly a girl after my own HEART. Similarly, I should have thought twice when I asked what her real name was and she said 'Just call me Happy', but I just played it smooth and said 'Well I'm happy if you're Happy'.
She certainly was a minx and, though I don't know if she was 21, I do know she wasn't covered by my insurance. But, remembering one of my favorite haunts from my college days, I took her to a remote spot with a beautiful view - a great spot for young lovers and drug addicts. When she asked me to pop the car's hood so she could 'see my BIG END' I willingly obliged thinking this may be some kind of 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' type arrangement.
And it seemed to be going that way when she told me to strip. I did. And as I got down to my boxers she suddenly said 'Wow. D'you know what I really WANNA do?' I thought I could probably guess but was a little surprised when she said 'I wanna sit in the driver's seat - that's where the MAGIC happens'. Well, she's not wrong there, so I got out and held the door open for her whilst she got out the passenger door and slid into my automotive throne.
Then she SLAMMED the door shut and her foot on the accelerator. I really shouldn't have left the engine running.
That was the last I saw of Happy. And it was a pretty long walk back to civilization in just my shorts, so I had plenty of time to reflect on how she'd only ever wanted me for my QASHQAI. After a lotta thought, I decided that if I had her looks, I'd probably do the same - so, if you're out there, Happy, how's about a second date? We'll go to a drive in movie or something. Just please BRING THE CAR.